It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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