Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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