The maid of honor just puked.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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