I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
