They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
