A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
