We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
