and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
