Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everything about him screamed your future.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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