Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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