dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
