Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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