Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
