Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
God I need to hump something, right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
