You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
