Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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