There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
