he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
