I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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