She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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