If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
