i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
