No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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