Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize