I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
