I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
