Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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