dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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