My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
