can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
