when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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