How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
