Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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