After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
