Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
