My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
