Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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