My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
