I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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