Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
