Dual....:-)
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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