Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
