I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
