i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
