Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
