There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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