DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize