We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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