Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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