Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she told me i tasted like america
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
