i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
