she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
