last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
