You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
