So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
