Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
