dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
