It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
