i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
