It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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