End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
