I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
