i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
