I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
