I just cut my nipple shaving
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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