so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
