i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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