The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
