Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Still dying that you shit outside
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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