The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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