We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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