I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
