Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
