i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
