areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
