The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
