Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
