I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
