I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
