i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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