That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
