Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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