He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
