Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
