so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
